Haven't I met you before?

Déjà vu. It means Already seen in French. is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the recent past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain.

This was taken from wikipedia.

Why bring it up? Because I'm a fellow who experiences this on a daily basis. Sometimes it's subtle. Sometimes it is so profound that I almost know what the next word muttered will be.

I experienced a profound instance of Déjà vu the other day. I was at a Singer/Songwriter competition with my friend Craig. We perform a duo act full of original, modern, Australia, folk music. There were many other performers there that evening. And while I'm quite active in the music scene in Sydney, I'm not as well connected as people are lead to believe. To top things off, the other performers there that night were totally unfamiliar. I had never met them in my life.

Yet, when staring at the lovely Renae, I swear we had met before. I knew her and her face was vividly familiar. But how? She was from a town 300 kms away. A town I've passed through but never stayed in. My circle of friends, even the ones up past her way are not part of her circle of friends. So how can she look so familiar. So familiar in fact that I swear I know her. I'd bet my house on it, I'm as sure as day I know her.

Another performer that got up to play was Ben from Narabeen. I've never met him either. I don't travel to Narabeen. It's just not a place I go to. Ever. Yet there he was, and I'm staring at him too. Trying to figure out why he looks like someone I know too well.

Renae ended up sitting at our table and my wife spoke to her. We still don't know how I know her but we exchanged business cards and got chatting. We still have no idea. But either way, she's a nice, young and pretty girl with a great attitude. It's refreshing to see there are younger people out there that aren't bored, glued to the TV. They're out there performing live music and going out of their own way to do it.

Ben was the best sounding person on the evening. Better than us. Better than the guy who won first place, better than the guys who won second place, and better than the trio that won third. In fact, when Ben got up on stage and started to play and sing, on his own with his guitar, it was as if the stage lit up. He really made the place come alive. With previous performs just playing by numbers, as I like to call it. It's when you go on autopilot. When you just go in there, play your bit and walk off.

Ben and I exchanged business cards also, and I like how he did it too. Japanese style.

This is where he hands you his card with both hands and bows. You bow while you take the card with both hands. Nothing is said, you inspect the card as a sign of respect, place it safely in your wallet and then continue the conversation. I've always loved this greeting, though never stepped foot in Japan, I found it yet another familiar and comforting experience to have taken part in an official exchange of cards.

I see a lot of cool experiences with Ben coming soon. So watch this space.

From all that in one night, the last few days since then has had me wandering around working at the music school, which I'll have photos of soon. Teaching music and talking to people, all the while thinking about Renae and Ben. Two people I connected with and somehow have already met.

Maybe it was a past life. Maybe it's just that they're such cool, laid back easy going, fun loving musicians that I just got along with them so well that everything just clicked.

Or maybe it's what I've read about Déjà vu. It's that you subconciously want to meet people like this that when it happens in real life, you feel as though it has happened before because you've almost or perhaps have dreamt about it.

Either way, I like the idea I once invented about Déjà vu....

... Meeting someone for the first time that you have a familiar feeling about is because you have already met them once before, maybe 100 years ago, maybe 1000 years ago. And in that life, you were both musicians, perhaps you both even met in the same exact spot you met in 100 years ago, when the club use to be a factory making glass jars. Or 1000 years ago in a battle for territory, maybe you were just two kids who met on the field to play.

Stranger things have happened

I'm sure everyone experiences a point in their lives when you sit up and go "whao!".

I had an experience like that last night. When I told my wife, she just shrugged it off like it happens to her every day. Anyway, I'll get to the story.

Yesterday was Friday, and when I looked at my calendar, I had a ton of stuff to do. But once the working day was over, all I had to do was pack the car with me musical instruments and head over to the studio for rehearsals and also auditions.

Since our singer is in Melbourne and we have had to fly him up for every gig, it has made performing for this project rather expensive. At the same time, our bouzouki player could not longer commit to the project and had to leave.

But the show must go on, and well... it kinda didn't for a few months. Five to be precise. When we got back together, we were all rusty. But that was over a month ago now, and we're back on form.

Being that we're back on top of it all, it was time to start looking for a local singer and maybe another bouzouki player. Bouzouki players all seem to have a similar trait, unorganised, non-committal. So we have put that idea to bed for now, and decided to see if we could find another musician to make up for it, with a different instrument.

No luck, however we did find a young kid who plays African Djembe. He's a whipper snapper. But he plays well. He doesn't get our jokes though. Either that or he doesn't find our immature sense of humour funny. After his first audition with us, he was thinking that perhaps this music was out of his league. So before he left, I told him about how when I first listened to the music, I thought "Oh shit, what have I got myself into?" I told him that my wife said "Well, you wanted a challenge, stop complaining now that one has come along. Get in there and take up the challenge." She was right. Hate that.

So far, the story is pretty ordinary. Nothing unusual there. Big deal.

Last night the kid returned. Glad to see he's going to give it a go.

There was one other thing about last night... a Sydney based singer. Val mentioned it was a female. No problem there. It might make us behave a bit more civilised. So, there we were last night, we got comfortable in our rehearsal room and started to just have a impromptu jam when this crazy girl with big hair bursts into the room announcing herself and asking where Val is.

I stopped her midway through her outburst. Pointing at her, saying "Get lost!!!! I know you!!!! What the hell are you going here?"

I had not seen this woman for about 4 to 5 years. I use to work with her when I was employed in IT. The craziness was overwhelming.

To top things off, I was checking out my Facebook account the other day and one of my friends on Facebook had her as a friend, and her face was on my page telling me she could be my friend. Funny part was, I clicked on the link and asked for her authorisation to be a friend.

Two days later, she's responded to a random advert we posted looking for a female singer and is standing right in front of me. I sense a big catch up happening soon.

We didn't get to hear too much of her last night, because she was still getting her head around the songs. But I have heard her perform before mainly as a singer/actor on stage in theatre productions. This is her main thing and responding to the advert we had online was something she decided to do purely for a change out of her normal cliché roles in theatre.

I was pleased to hear that because what we perform is different and challenging.

Last night turned out to be quite surreal. My bubble burst when I got home and my wife foiled my enthusiasm by saying "whoppedie doo" Not in those exact words, but to something of that extent.

A true friend

Since I don't really have any family besides my nephew and niece. I always look for those family, caring qualities in friends. Now, throughout my life I've had some great friends and also some tragic ones. I guess the tragic ones were there to show me what to avoid and also to appreciate what the good ones were like.

I would imagine there is no real definition of a true friend. Each of us are so different that we'd all be looking for something different in a friend. A quality I might dislike will be a perfect fit for you.

So, what constitutes a great friend?

For me, it would have to be all the cliché things like, being a top bloke and being able to talk about anything. But there are some qualities I like in my friends, which not all of them have, but combined together, I can enjoy each of their individualisms.

One friend might enjoy my company, can have a laugh and the piss taken out of him (poked fun at). While another mate might take some criticism to heart and be truly scarred by what I may say despite the fact we're all having some fun putting shit on each other.

Some mates, it would seem are just there for you to help them. And that's fine too though you have to wonder how many times you need to tell them something before they get it.

Some friends worry about things too much, so much so that they go blind, get tunnel vision and can't see the bigger picture.

One such friend I have is like that. I may have spoken about him before. He called me today to ask when I can play bass for him next. I told him it's not up to me, but the drummer. It's because of his busy schedule we haven't played in three months. Last week at an open mic night I told my friend to just recruit the guys and girls he just played with as the new band and ditch our mate, the drummer. No offence but we want to play, regularly.

Anyway, he hasn't got the balls to say something and the band is forever in hiatus. So I told him today, something I was hoping he'd have figured out by now, "Why don't we just play with the other band as a different band, and if Alex comes around, we'll also play with him, separately"

He was dumbfounded. The idea was so simple, he couldn't believe he didn't think of it. Though when he told me he's been thinking all week about how to break the news to Alex, he said it was too much to think about. I told him there was nothing to think about. You want to play, lack of attendance from our drummer is stopping that.

Solution: Find someone who plays drums (done!) and see if they want to play (also done!). So, you have a replacement drummer but you don't have the guts to sack your original drummer because he's also your mate.

I told him again "Bands suck". But it's gotta be done.

So my solution with just starting a different band on the side with these new people won't affect your relationship with Alex. Not that it would anyway, I mean Alex seems to have too much on his plate anyway. Otherwise he'd have the time to jam with us.

With my mate who can't seem to man up, my way of helping has been for him to help himself. I just push him along, suggest something, and tell him how easy it is to do.

Normally I'd just go and do it myself. But then I think, is that really helping? I'm just doing his dirty work. It's much like allowing a kid to make a cake, then doing everything for them because you're concerned they'll end up ruining it and making a mess at the same time.

The reality is, so what if they do? And I've take that same mentality towards this friend so he'll learn how bands work. One day he'll look back and say "Steve, bands suck".

Then there's the example of my other mate, who makes the wrong choices all the time. I saw him last night. The good news was he has a buyer for his place and the "partner" he did the deal with is happy with the selling price.

All was good, right up until 5 minutes before I was about to leave. When he said "Met this girl, I think we'll buy a place together and move in"

I just looked at him and went from my usual, reserved, relaxed quiet self into a harsh realistic person and said "Are you fucking crazy? Didn't you learn anything from this experience? Go find a place to live that you can afford, on your own. What happens if you're relationship doesn't work out then? You're back where you started. Not getting along with your house mate, broke, arguments over bills and how to split them, she leaves, you can't afford to stay there, and where to now? Find a place you can pay the rent for. Don't rely on someone else, otherwise you're back here. Where you started. Learnt nothing. If you do that, I will punch you in the face."

I got in my car and drove off. When I got home, I thought about what I said and how I said it. All these years of talking to him and listening, it got nowhere. So I took my own advice and changed my tact.

Okay, so what does this have to do with friends? Well, despite the fact that they're all special in their own little ways, and stupid in others. They're great people, with their quirks and all. I couldn't ask for better friends, even if some of them are hard work. I know that the work I put in to them is eventually returned by them helping me with mowing my lawns, and providing me with help when I need it, never having asked for it.

It's a different story to when I was younger and my so called mates would sponge off me and never offer a return favour, even when I was desperate enough to ask for it.

My definition of a true friend is someone who doesn't count how many favours you've done for them or they've done for you. We're just mate's and help each other out when it's needed. All other times are there to bag the crap out of each other over a beer and a camp fire.

When friends become something... not sure what

As you travel through life, you meet people. People come and go. Some become friends, others are forgotten about as soon as they are out of sight.

Sometimes you find friends that are like long lost family members. While at first you're joined at the hip, and you could stay like that for years. After a while, again, maybe years later you end up hating each other.

While I don't really hate anyone I know. I do know when I no longer like someone. Unfortunately, I have a friend whom I've known for years. And something strange has happened.

I no longer enjoy being around him. When we're out having dinner, the bill will be paid and he'll order more drinks. Everyone's getting up and leaving and it's as if he's oblivious that people are standing up and putting on their coats.

This annoys me because it happens just about every time we all go out.

I know someone else who's been struggling through the last few years of their life, and as a friend I have learnt to listen to what he has to say. Listen to his struggles and after five or so years of listening I have only started to speak back in the last 12 months.

While what I've been telling him is making improvements, he let slip the other day. The worst part about it was one of the things he said, "I feel alone, like no one likes me. No one cares. I have no one to talk to."

I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks. What the?

Here I am listening to his life's filth he's created for himself trying to help support a friend, and he says that? I felt so under appreciated that I shut my mouth before saying something nasty and making him really feel like no one will listen to him.

In the past, I've normally told people like this to just piss off. And I've promptly disconnected them from my life. This may sound harsh, however I don't want people around my life that sponge off me. I only want genuine people around that have their own prerogative. Their own concerns.

I once had a friend who I use to ride motorcycles with. For years he would call me around to his upholstery business he ran on his own so I could help him load a couch into the van and deliver it with him. I helped him move when his wife divorced him. I helped him find a new place to stay.

When I asked for one favour. To help me move a racing motorcycle when I bought my house. He told me he couldn't.

While I never expected any help from anyone. I expected him to at worst say "Not today, but I can help you tomorrow"

All I got was a "No, sorry", no reason why, no excuse even. Just no. If I think about it, I tend to think I'm silly. But then I think to myself, either way. Silly or not. Why have people like this around my life?

The answer is, in my opinion we shouldn't have to.

So, what has really happened here? Have I changed, has my friend changed? Maybe we've both changed. It's more than likely the latter. People change. If anything, I'm going to say I've changed. Reason being that while I'm more tolerant these days. I'm also more easily annoyed.

This sounds hypocritical. But it isn't. I was talking to my friend the other day who I go sketching with every Monday nights and we were talking about our various tempers. I came up with something he agreed with and so did the guy behind us eavesdropping on the conversation. "There are things that you can let go, "whatever", you say. Letting water run under the bridge. And sometimes that thing is huge. Everyone else around you is thinking "oh crap" and you're totally blasé about it all. Then there are other times when the smallest thing will crack you. You'll explode and steam will escape your ears." Why?

I don't know. Maybe it's tolerance. And maybe as I get older I'm more patient, but less tolerant. I can wait forever for a young child to finish their homework, but I can't stand a friend who doesn't understand why we're all standing up leaving the restaurant.

I think I've outgrown some people that are around me. I don't know what to think about it. I don't want to cut off my mates because they're my mates. But should I be nostalgic when it comes to the fact that I don't really enjoy being with them anymore? What a predicament.