Sometimes you find friends that are like long lost family members. While at first you're joined at the hip, and you could stay like that for years. After a while, again, maybe years later you end up hating each other.
While I don't really hate anyone I know. I do know when I no longer like someone. Unfortunately, I have a friend whom I've known for years. And something strange has happened.
I no longer enjoy being around him. When we're out having dinner, the bill will be paid and he'll order more drinks. Everyone's getting up and leaving and it's as if he's oblivious that people are standing up and putting on their coats.
This annoys me because it happens just about every time we all go out.
I know someone else who's been struggling through the last few years of their life, and as a friend I have learnt to listen to what he has to say. Listen to his struggles and after five or so years of listening I have only started to speak back in the last 12 months.
While what I've been telling him is making improvements, he let slip the other day. The worst part about it was one of the things he said, "I feel alone, like no one likes me. No one cares. I have no one to talk to."
I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks. What the?
Here I am listening to his life's filth he's created for himself trying to help support a friend, and he says that? I felt so under appreciated that I shut my mouth before saying something nasty and making him really feel like no one will listen to him.
In the past, I've normally told people like this to just piss off. And I've promptly disconnected them from my life. This may sound harsh, however I don't want people around my life that sponge off me. I only want genuine people around that have their own prerogative. Their own concerns.
I once had a friend who I use to ride motorcycles with. For years he would call me around to his upholstery business he ran on his own so I could help him load a couch into the van and deliver it with him. I helped him move when his wife divorced him. I helped him find a new place to stay.
When I asked for one favour. To help me move a racing motorcycle when I bought my house. He told me he couldn't.
While I never expected any help from anyone. I expected him to at worst say "Not today, but I can help you tomorrow"
All I got was a "No, sorry", no reason why, no excuse even. Just no. If I think about it, I tend to think I'm silly. But then I think to myself, either way. Silly or not. Why have people like this around my life?
The answer is, in my opinion we shouldn't have to.
So, what has really happened here? Have I changed, has my friend changed? Maybe we've both changed. It's more than likely the latter. People change. If anything, I'm going to say I've changed. Reason being that while I'm more tolerant these days. I'm also more easily annoyed.
This sounds hypocritical. But it isn't. I was talking to my friend the other day who I go sketching with every Monday nights and we were talking about our various tempers. I came up with something he agreed with and so did the guy behind us eavesdropping on the conversation. "There are things that you can let go, "whatever", you say. Letting water run under the bridge. And sometimes that thing is huge. Everyone else around you is thinking "oh crap" and you're totally blasé about it all. Then there are other times when the smallest thing will crack you. You'll explode and steam will escape your ears." Why?
I don't know. Maybe it's tolerance. And maybe as I get older I'm more patient, but less tolerant. I can wait forever for a young child to finish their homework, but I can't stand a friend who doesn't understand why we're all standing up leaving the restaurant.
I think I've outgrown some people that are around me. I don't know what to think about it. I don't want to cut off my mates because they're my mates. But should I be nostalgic when it comes to the fact that I don't really enjoy being with them anymore? What a predicament.
