Darling Harbour - Day 2 - For the love of it

Well, the sound guy did a better job today. Still lots of issues, but who cares?

I certainly don't. Playing live in front of possibly 10,000 people (not 200,000 like they said.... perhaps they meant overall) was fun for me and a new limit to the amount of crowd I've played music to. The previous record being 500 people at a charity event many years ago.

So, what was it like?

Well, people were still fretting over being late, being unprepared, going over time and being more late. I think the thing I hated the most was seeing people who help organise the events rolling their eyes and saying "I can't wait till this is all over". Which kept me thinking "Why are you here if you're not enjoying yourself?", "Why did you put your hand up to do this if you're going to hate the experience?"

I guess there's always that sense of accomplishment or something to prove when they can say THEY organised the festival. But truth be told. They hated almost every minute of it.

I on the other hand loved the whole experience. Even watching people fretting about, stressing, as if a life was on the line. I love that the sound guys are trying their best. I love that there was feedback, and no sound, I love that all the performers coming off stage were sweating in the heat of the afternoon. I love that everyone was on edge.

It seems so surreal, because I stand there and watch it all while staying cool. I'm not sure what it is. I'm excited about the whole thing. Performing music, live, on stage, and in front of hundreds if not thousands of people is like a drug for me. I get nervous. I'm not going to say I don't. But I'm just as comfortable playing music in my room alone as I am in front of 10,000 people. I can say that now, 10,000 people. hehehe. I guess it's because I've been performing live since I was six years old. But I know people who've been performing just as long and still get nervous.

In the end, we did our performance. We helped each other out, and thanked each other in the end. It's that kind of support I love the most.

I loved the whole experience and even though in a way I'm happy to not be around those people who found the whole thing a chore, I'm still happy about the whole experience, I'd do it again. However out Sax player made a good point, "You do this for the love, what happens when the love runs out?"

I said "It won't, but if it does, I want some money for it." However, I think if the love ran out for me, I wouldn't have been up there yesterday and today doing the shows for nothing. In fact I'd have asked for the money up front. So, I can safely say, I'm still in love with performance and have been for the last 25 years. I think the love would have worn off already if I wasn't.

Some wondering

It amazes me that two people can occupy the same room. One can be riding on a total high while the other is not enjoying themselves, making it a hassle and can't wait for it to all be over.

I had the displeasure of seeing this a while ago when at an event and I was enjoying through the other people who were enjoying also. Then I was distracted by a couple who were not enjoying themselves at all and I thought to myself, how can you not sit there enjoying yourself?

On the other end of the scale was a person near us who was having a great time. And again I was hit with another thought, life IS what you make it. Isn't it?

It truly amazed me that there were these people occupying the same room, at the same event, yet there was a person who didn't enjoy it.

Everyone is different, no doubt. But when you could see the angst and their eagerness to just stop everything and get out, you have to wonder what is going through their mind at the time?

Perception is a funny thing. It's part of what make us differ from one another. It's like a friend of mine that seems to be the one at every party who always has a conflict. It is natural due to the way they think, or is it because of habit?

Habit usually comes from comfort. You don't do things to yourself that you hate, even if it looks bad to others, you yourself enjoy it, so you keep doing it. Even if it's detrimental to you and your life.

I know people that are emotional wrecks, and they persist to be that way despite knowing that what they're doing isn't good. Or people that constantly do the same thing over and over again and wonder why things didn't work "Just like last time" no matter how hard they try. What about people who seem to always look at the negative side of things. I'm usually put in this basket but I'm quick to correct people that I am alternative, not negative because negative itself is perceived as something you disagree with, not exactly something bad.

Yes, we are a diverse bunch of living things. Sometimes I can appreciate it, other times I can't handle it or fathom how diverse we can be. Yes, even I have a line you can cross despite what my friends will say.

Though getting back to my original point, it disturbs me a little to see how a room of 100 people can all be having fun. Or a performer or stage can be on a high. The highest they can be without smoking something, yet there will be someone out there in the same room who will be hating every second of their existence. I guess it disturbs me because when I have gatherings, I want everyone to enjoy themselves and I make sure they do. So when I'm at someone else's gathering, I expect to see everyone happy. Otherwise you could just stay home and be miserable. But I guess it'll be a different type of misery as their perception at home will be different to say a party or a music venue. Maybe they don't want to experience that sort of downer and want a downer with a bit of upper. LOL.

After that experience I have tuned right into noticing who's having a great time and who's not. I find it sad that there are people that have every possible positive in their life, but are blinded by so much negativity that they can't actually see the positives.

At the end of the day no one is right or wrong, no one is perfect. Perhaps I just have to accept that people have good days and bad days, people like to comfort themselves with familiar things and if there's a familiarity with surrounding yourself with negativity, then I guess that's your choice to do that. Maybe that's your positive and I'm just seeing it as a negative. Maybe you get off on being down or hard on yourself.

Then I think to myself, people's behaviour is based on their experience, their influences and their up bringing. Maybe what they're like now is what they saw others like when they grew up. As humans we love copying things. And I think at varying degrees, we copy one another with our own twists, which is what makes us unique yet some how can relate to one another. If you grew up with negativity around you then you are more than likely to surround yourself with it as you get older. It's that familiar comfort thing again.

This can also explain why you get similar people based on their demography. Every country in the world has it. There's the slum, the rich part of town, the middle class. I don't think this is depicted by the price of the property in the area. I think it comes down to comfort. If you've been brought up with abusive parents then you have a highly likely chance of being the same. There are exceptions to this though. I know some parents who are really shit to their kids and I disagree with a lot of what they do or say around their kids. But that's their business. What I do see however is how the child in the family differs themselves from their parents, almost to say "I see them, I don't want to be like them."

The famous line from The Breakfast Club states that you are turning into your parents, you can't help it, it just happens. And while this is true in most part. I know there are exceptions. This child in particular is an exception, and I see two things with them. They will either try their best to escape the shell and become their own person, succeed and move on with their life, or they will struggle to achieve what they want due to such a strong influence of their parents parenting.

My point for all this brain vomit is to enjoy what you have. Don't concentrate on what you don't have. That's depressing me as I sit here dreaming about a Ferrari in the garage that isn't there. Enjoy what you have however little, for when you are nothing but dust, you have nothing but your soul to carry with you and show for yourself. Have heart, compassion and love for yourself and others around you.