When friends become something... not sure what

As you travel through life, you meet people. People come and go. Some become friends, others are forgotten about as soon as they are out of sight.

Sometimes you find friends that are like long lost family members. While at first you're joined at the hip, and you could stay like that for years. After a while, again, maybe years later you end up hating each other.

While I don't really hate anyone I know. I do know when I no longer like someone. Unfortunately, I have a friend whom I've known for years. And something strange has happened.

I no longer enjoy being around him. When we're out having dinner, the bill will be paid and he'll order more drinks. Everyone's getting up and leaving and it's as if he's oblivious that people are standing up and putting on their coats.

This annoys me because it happens just about every time we all go out.

I know someone else who's been struggling through the last few years of their life, and as a friend I have learnt to listen to what he has to say. Listen to his struggles and after five or so years of listening I have only started to speak back in the last 12 months.

While what I've been telling him is making improvements, he let slip the other day. The worst part about it was one of the things he said, "I feel alone, like no one likes me. No one cares. I have no one to talk to."

I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks. What the?

Here I am listening to his life's filth he's created for himself trying to help support a friend, and he says that? I felt so under appreciated that I shut my mouth before saying something nasty and making him really feel like no one will listen to him.

In the past, I've normally told people like this to just piss off. And I've promptly disconnected them from my life. This may sound harsh, however I don't want people around my life that sponge off me. I only want genuine people around that have their own prerogative. Their own concerns.

I once had a friend who I use to ride motorcycles with. For years he would call me around to his upholstery business he ran on his own so I could help him load a couch into the van and deliver it with him. I helped him move when his wife divorced him. I helped him find a new place to stay.

When I asked for one favour. To help me move a racing motorcycle when I bought my house. He told me he couldn't.

While I never expected any help from anyone. I expected him to at worst say "Not today, but I can help you tomorrow"

All I got was a "No, sorry", no reason why, no excuse even. Just no. If I think about it, I tend to think I'm silly. But then I think to myself, either way. Silly or not. Why have people like this around my life?

The answer is, in my opinion we shouldn't have to.

So, what has really happened here? Have I changed, has my friend changed? Maybe we've both changed. It's more than likely the latter. People change. If anything, I'm going to say I've changed. Reason being that while I'm more tolerant these days. I'm also more easily annoyed.

This sounds hypocritical. But it isn't. I was talking to my friend the other day who I go sketching with every Monday nights and we were talking about our various tempers. I came up with something he agreed with and so did the guy behind us eavesdropping on the conversation. "There are things that you can let go, "whatever", you say. Letting water run under the bridge. And sometimes that thing is huge. Everyone else around you is thinking "oh crap" and you're totally blasé about it all. Then there are other times when the smallest thing will crack you. You'll explode and steam will escape your ears." Why?

I don't know. Maybe it's tolerance. And maybe as I get older I'm more patient, but less tolerant. I can wait forever for a young child to finish their homework, but I can't stand a friend who doesn't understand why we're all standing up leaving the restaurant.

I think I've outgrown some people that are around me. I don't know what to think about it. I don't want to cut off my mates because they're my mates. But should I be nostalgic when it comes to the fact that I don't really enjoy being with them anymore? What a predicament.

Electric Cars

This is a topic close to my heart. I love cars. I love motor vehicle of all types. I spent 16 years of my life knowing I was going to be a motorcycle mechanic. I love speed, acceleration. I love the smell of petrol. I love the smell of burning rubber.

I am a rev head, a petrol head. I'm a hoon. If I drive or ride anything fast, there's a chance I'll ride it fast. My wife sometimes reminds me that I'm driving like an Italian.

Mind you, I never put anyone's life at risk at all. I just drive like an Italian.

So, I was thinking about electric cars the other day and there were so many pros and cons. The obvious good bits are the acceleration and less moving parts. Not to mention the big appeals to me, the environmental impacts are far less.

However, this is where I run into issues, and I'll get to them in a minute or two. These are in fact the cons of why I disagree with electric cars.

The big appeal is that they are quite, smooth, with brilliant performance and excellent positive attributes that make it perfect for most people who drive daily to work and back.

Here are my biggest concerns about full electric cars:

1. Distance you can travel
I know this is something that is being addressed with better battery technology and more efficient electric motors. Not only that but also better ways of using power, or creating it from ideas like re-generative braking and solar panels on the roof. However, the best range they can muster from a full electric car doesn't get me to the most visited long distance locations I frequent every year. One of which doesn't even get me half way there.

I know they're working on range, and also the best alternatives to charge these cars, whether it be a quick charging station or battery swap centre. Either way, it's not finalised yet, however Telsa is currently selling their car. The Chevy Volt is a good step, just a pity it's not a fabulous step, and to be honest, if I were Chevy, I'd go and hide in a dark corner after some of the flack they copped for their dismal efforts on the Volt.

Someone told me once, to avoid the range issue, have a separate petrol car that can take you on long distance, or rent one. This might work, but it doesn't appeal. And generally people who own a car don't see the logic in having to rent one just to pile in the family and gear to head off into the woods or the bush for a couple of days. Sadly, the range of current electric cars won't even get me to my mates place an two hours away to see him like I do once every few months.

My current car is a pretty efficient, yet powerful Turbo Diesel Fiat Punto. I can get 900 kms (559 Miles) from 40 Litres (10.5 Gal) of diesel. I regularly get 650-700 kms just driving around town. so I fill up once every 10 or so days because I spend most days driving to see clients, averaging about 50-100 kms per day. While that's perfect for an electric car, what happens when I have to travel further? "Sorry I can't make it today, my car is re-chaging. It'll be done in about 4 hours."

2. Price of a re-charge
Cars like the Volt and Tesla's Roadster are touted as cheap to 'fill up'. While this may be true now due to electricity prices around the world being on the cheap side. A couple of issues spark up in my mind, more so than ever before, thanks to a recent electricity bill that arrived last week which showed my money owing at about 20% more than the last bill. A nice letter and pamphlet accompanying the bill told me the rates are going up.... again. YAY.

So, imagine when everyone comes home at night after work to top up their battery and finds that the electricity provider has decided to do one of two things, or better still, both raise the price of power and change the on-peak and off-peak times to best suit their bottom line and their share holders.

3. Load
Last summer, like most summers in Australia, it gets bloody hot. And as such, states like Victoria have blackouts in summer due to everyone's air-con being cranked to the limit. I don't blame them. However, if we're having electrical issues trying to supply people some kW to keep them cool when it's 40°C+ outside, you have to have some form of cooling system to support a lot of humans in one spot. In an office, you'll need to cool them off and keep in mind all those closed windows, all those people, all those computers running. Everything in the room is creating heat.

If you've ever walking into an office with the air-con not working you'll know what I mean. It's stuffy to say the least.

So, if a well developed country's electrical system can't cope with current conditions, are jacking up the price of their unreliable power and justify it by saying they're using the money to create better, cleaner and more efficient power stations. What use will having an electric car have when you come home on a hot summer afternoon, plug the car in, go inside, run the air-con to cool down your house then everything blacks out.

Guess what? You're walking to work tomorrow. Hmm, I guess that can't be that bad.

4. Convenience
So your friend invites you over for a birthday party. Or maybe family. You drive there in your shiny new Electric car. You get there, everyone thinks it's so cool. Then you ask if you can plug in so you can get home, you used all the charge to get there and now won't make it home.

Not cool.

Everyone leaves the party saying "I won't be buying one of those fancy Ee-Lectric cars". And chances are the image is tainted for a long time. Probably until there is no choice. Then you'll have to buy one. Hopefully by then they'll have solved the travel range issue and you can get out into your favourite camp site without worrying about setting up a solar panel and rigging it up to the batteries, voiding your warranty and possibly shorting out the car, almost killing yourself. Not a good look around the family.

I recently watched a video of Robert Llewellyn driving the Tesla Roadster and talking to Diarmuid O'Connell, Vice President of Business Development for Tesla Motors. None of these areas of concern were mentioned. And the biggest point made was that it would currently cost a few dollars a week to keep your car fully charged.

WOW! While that sounds amazing, and it may well be true for the next 12 months. Seeing as my electricity bill just went up 20% in a matter of 12 months from the last price hike, I'm left wondering how much it will cost to keep my electric car running once they are the norm, ie; every car on the road is electric. Will greed take first place in the environmental chase? Will it end up costing me the same in 'fuel' to top up my electric car as it currently does my petroleum car? I fear so.

So what can you do?

I guess we can harvest our own power and be less dependent or completely off the grid (ideal, but not realistic in suburbia). While installing Solar panels on our roofs are becoming normal and catching on these days. Almost trendy if you have them in your inner city dwelling. The wind power option is a bit of an issue. Ugly poles erected in your backyard, noisy home made wind turbines that piss everyone off with their whining motors salvaged from scrap and their recycled blades from a Cessna make for a brilliant image of going off the grid.

Don't take me the wrong way. I'd love to do this. But there are some things that aren't too accepted in life, and more specifically life in the suburbs where your neighbour can hear you fart.

What happens if you just use Solar? Well, this may work, however for almost all my life, I remember watching Beyond 2000 and seeing and hearing about cheaper solar cells that are more efficient than anything else. I'm 31 now, while Beyond 2000 is a distant memory, and the year itself has come and gone, there are no flying cars and there are certainly no affordable solar arrays that are small enough and efficient enough to power my entire home off the grid, including charging an electric car.

I wish there were, I wish I was saying otherwise. But as opposed to what my friends call me, "Negative", I've always said I'm "Alternative". I'm a realist. While a solar array and some windmills would be perfect for a little self sustained shack out in Whoopwhoop, where most people live in Australia, sadly it just wouldn't work. Unless you're from Whoopwhoop.

But apart from all this, back to the electric car. It may cost nothing to 'fill' up now, but what will it cost when it's the norm?

Sure, the purchase price will come down significantly, but I fear that while the cost of buying the electric car will become significantly cheaper in 5-10 years when 90% of what everyone drives is electric. I fear that the price of running it will become equal, if not more than what it currently cost you to run a petroleum powered car.

The 'industry' will see the lower cost of purchase as an offset for the higher price of servicing and fuelling the vehicle. I hope I'm wrong, but all I can think about is all the people that will be cashing in on this deal, and the end result is you paying still too much for transport. The prices will be artificially higher than normal, which will make it normal.

People who may not drive will be stung with a stupidly high rate on their power at home because it will be assumed that everyone drives an electric car, therefore your electricity rates must be higher. And they will.

I fear that greed will cause humanity to yet again, be left in the dark. You'll be told you're all moving forward, but in reality, you're staying put.

Computers get faster, cheaper, more accessible. Cars get faster, more expensive and less accessible. Solar panels haven't really got cheaper at all, at least not in Australia. So, they're not so accessible. Otherwise we'd all have them on our roof already. But the prices depict us breaking even with power costs at 10-20 years before solar panels we purchase pay themselves off.

What do you do to have your electric car and be able to afford to charge it too?

All I've talked about here is the cost of things. Being that most people will be able to afford a new electric car, but running and maintaining it may be a whole other story. What about the environmental impacts?

Well, you can't deny that even if the power you use to charge your electric car comes from coal, the impact is not that significant, according to studies. However, electric cars have moving parts in them too, you can't eliminate that. These parts will need grease or some form of lubricants. In the bearings, the differential, the steering, the drive shafts (unless the electric car has motors in the wheels themselves), but there will be a need for petroleum based products of some description to help keep the car moving.

There are synthetic oils and lubricants, so hopefully they're used liberally taking an ever lower reliance of fossil fuel and products based on crude oil.

These are all good things. But the running costs still concern me. I hope I'm wrong. I have little doubt that I will be though. Something tells me this is going to be the best and worst thing to revolutionise the automotive industry.

Oh' Happy Day

I had a great day today. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the sky was crystal clear. It was hot, which means the girls were wearing almost nothing.

I woke up and started the day by heading to my local farmers market. My wife and I have been going there for a couple of years now. No packaging, no waste. Just good food that wasn't picked before it was suppose to, hasn't been frozen for 6 months before hitting the shelves.

Then we went to the butchers to buy our meat for the week.

Came home and put everything away and had breakfast. It was getting really hot outside and I had a mate who just got a motorcycle a few months ago, but barely ridden it come around for me to replace the broken clutch lever and replace the rear disc brake and brake pads. I had planned on also giving it a service but I didn't get to the bike shop during the week to buy the oils and filters needed. So I just changed the parts I already had.

Before he turned up, I decided to prepare my front lawn by doing some weeding. I'm not sure how weeds turn up and start growing, but there was a few with roots about 20 cm deep (About 8 inches in the old money and for my American readers). The heat was enough for me so I went inside and had some lunch and a cool lemonade.

My friend turned up on his bike and we got stuck into it. I pulled out my toolbox from my mechanic days seeing the light again for another few hours. 45 minutes later, I was washing up my soft, unhardened hands that use to cop abuse in the workshop, now aching from working with metal, hammers, levers and spanners.

I cleaned up my tool before putting them to bed. Sat down with my friend and chatted about all sorts of things. He then left, thanking me for the work.... it was nothing really. After all, he drove around with me while I was getting my car license after I recovered from my accident. It was the least I could do for all the help he gave me especially when he was studying hard at uni at the time.

I contemplated mowing my mutant lawn and planning on finishing just as the sun set. However, I decided that I'll stick to the plan and mow it all tomorrow. The lawn is mutant. I swear, it grows twice as fast as everyone else's on my street. It's not natural! hehe

I changed my mind and thought I'd wake up nice and early tomorrow instead and just do it then. So with that in mind, I was about to kick back in my living room and be lazy for the rest of the day. However, I remembered that my mower wasn't running right last time I mowed my lawns. So I decided to stop being a slacker and work on the mower.

I cleaned the air filter, checked the spark plug (probably should change it), but it was still good. The fuel filter was a bit harder to get to, so I thought I'd hold off till the next time I service it. I'll give it a full service. I checked over everything else, put some fuel in it, put the air filter back in, put the spark plug back in after checking the gap and filing the tip so it was nice and square again.

Fired her up and she purred pretty good. A hell of a lot better tan before. No more coughing, spluttering and surging. And I noticed it made mowing easier with the motor running at full speed all the time.

So I tested it out on the back patch of grass, and kept going. An hour later I was just about finished with the backyard. I came inside, showered and put on some fresh clothes. Exhausted from the busy day of manual work using my hands. I was happy that I didn't have to use my brain once. I didn't have to dig into the pipwiki. I didn't have to answer someone's questions, I didn't have to diagnose a problem. It was just "here's a job that needs to be done, so do it. And when you're finished, here's some more".

I'm not a very handy person. Ask my wife. She'll say, I'm everything but handy. I wish I were more handy, and I think I'll become more handy as I do more around the house like fix the guttering, replace the roofing on my shed and pull out the ceiling that's starting to droop because of the roof having holes and letting the weather in.

I've ended the day by making the bed and am pretty much ready for it.

So, good night all. I've had one of the most fulfilling days in a while.

Making a difference

This won't be such a long winded post, unlike my usual blog entries.

I met with someone today and while I was discussing the computers I sell being very energy efficient, they retorted with "How much more power does a complete computer really consume anyway, I mean really.... will it make that big a difference?"

When I mentioned the boxes they come in are recycled, they said "Whatever, as if that's going to make a difference."

Eventually I got fed up with his remarks. I didn't bother explaining that the PC's I sell consume on average 65 Watts of power, not 450 Watts. I explained that the recycled cardboard boxes they come in make a difference when you sell a few hundred a year, or better still, when the manufacturer sells millions around the world. Never mind the fact that the PC's are physically smaller and that means more can be shipped in the same space (40ft shipping containers).

I didn't bother explaining all that.

Normally I would.

However, my comeback had far more impact on him than anything I could have used to defend the computers I sell.

I said "Well, you're making a difference by not recycling, by using a PC that consumes 4 times or more power than these. You're making a difference by negating everything I've said about saving the environment with something, a PC, which has become a bit of a necessity in life these days. If you're going to make an impact, and by taking part in "re-cycling" or not you are making some sort of difference, perhaps it would be a nice gesture to make a good difference, not a bad one by consuming more power than necessary and throwing away packaging in the correct bin, not the garbage bin."

Then he listened to what I had to say about power savings these computers offer. I felt I have made a significant difference today.

Interesting collaboration opportunity

Today I had another meeting with another member of my networking group. He's a really nice guy. I feel as though I can trust him. He's had a struggle to get to where he is now and I think he appreciates seeing someone like me who is currently searching for something.

The idea of these meetings is to get to know each other outside of the scheduled weekly meetings and take the opportunity to teach the other person about your business. That way they understand who you are, what you do and most importantly, what type of customers you are after. I do the same for them. So if you're a printer, I'll always think of you when someone says they're out of business cards, or need some letterheads done. He does the same for me if he sees someone struggling with their computer.

Anyhow, so today it was his turn to learn about my business, so he came by the office and we had a chat for about two hours. We discussed all sorts of things about my business. And I asked him a few questions on how I would do certain things. He seemed to like some of my ideas, and every time I've spoken to him about things, he always says very little, except what he says always makes me feel I can do anything. What little he says motivates me.

Then I mentioned something I wanted to do for a while, which has been to organise a morning or evening meeting, catering for about 20-30 people and they have to all be in local small business. I want to hold a night where I get up and talk about the value of computers in business. Basically, educate people on what they need to know to make better IT choices if they don't want to hire someone like me.

So, then he says "You know what? That would be perfect, lets say one and a half to two hours long. You talk for 45 minutes, then there's a 10 minute break, someone else talks for 45 minutes about something else, but still in relation to business. Perhaps the importance of printed media" (as you may have guessed, this person I met with today is a printer). "Then maybe we can get someone else like a small boutique recruitment consultant we both know to talk about how to employ the right people."

He had yet another brilliant idea. So maybe this November I will be getting a little dressed up and doing a talk in front of 20-30 small business operators about the importance of computers.

Luckily I have no issues talking in front of people. Heck, I've performed at the age of 6 at the Sydney Opera House. I don't think this will bother me one bit. A bit like when my friend played at the open mic night a few weeks back. His wife asked me when I got off the stage, "Weren't you scared or nervous at all?" Nope! I replied. It's as easy as drinking a glass of water. Then again, she was embarrassed when her husband (my mate) played and mentioned "This next song was written by my wife." To which she burst out with "Don't say that!!!!!!!!!" and hid behind her hair. With everyone looking at her thinking "Oh, she must be the wife." I told her, "Maybe if you didn't say anything no one would have noticed so much."

Anyway, this interesting idea to have smaller 45 minute presentations is much nicer and will give people less to digest, which is a good thing rather than 2 hours of me droning on about computers. Even I won't be able to talk that long about PC and Mac stuff.

Very interesting development, and here I am considering leaving the networking group, constantly telling myself the decision is made, then something like this happens. I suppose I should be more positive about it all. Though I'm just not enjoying being there any more.

You know, it's odd. I've been reading a lot on Buddhism and there are specific chapters talking about not enjoying being somewhere. Cutting a long story short, it's all my fault for not enjoying it there. It's my own problem that I am not coping too well with the fact that the person who has purchased the district my group is in isn't a nice person. They're a business person. They will step on anyone and cut you from the team if they feel you're not holding your own. And the only way they know this is by looking at the stats for the group. Sadly, I was hit up about it, and I wasn't even give the chance to say that the stats were wrong.

I've grown up with people telling me what to do, and is usually defied my logic, defied what I know better and went against my grain. Growing up, I know that just like this guy, I can cut off things that fit my life either. Our group was a nice group of small business who shared their interests, ideas and knowledge with each other. This guy has corporatised the group and added all this "team" building stuff like we now have to all get together and go to the pub for drinks every Friday evening. Because I'm usually playing some venue or rehearsing on Friday evenings, I can't make it, therefore I'm not a team player.

I'm not sure how this situation fits in with Buddhism, but I think there's an exception. When you're being beaten over the head with a mallet, you will eventually want to get out of the way. There's only so much mallet bashing my head can take before my patients runs out and I actually lose my temper. It rarely happens, my fuse is long, but if it's lit, and you don't put it out, stand back. The explosion isn't pretty.

Another one bites the dust

I might have used that title for another blog entry before, though I'm sure the subject itself was totally different.

This morning I met up with a Conveyancer that is part of my networking group I meet with. We all have one on one meetings with each other regularly in order to keep our relationships fresh. Well, today I met with our groups Conveyancer and what an interesting discussion was had. I discovered a few common interests such as our dislike for packaged food. And we also discussed actual business, which is what we're really there for.

However, some of the questions I ask people in our group usually lean more towards what you don't want from your business rather than what you're after. People know what they want, it's often than not they don't know what they don't want. The reason I ask them this is so I can avoid sending them a customer they will hate for the rest of their lives. I only want good clients in my business, so it's only fair they receive the same.

The discussion went on and eventually this person realised something. They didn't want to be doing their job. They just sort of fell into it by way of being handed some work and told to do it, then later in life they had kids, so they went and did what they knew best, the same job. Life went on hold. However, they soon realised that if anything, going back into the industry meant not having a life at all. So they opted out of it all and started to work from home... someone has to pay the bills.

It turns out, this whole time they have just been going with the flow and have ended up here. Questioning their career, their life and their situation.

The story was too familiar.

If anything, it's only motivated me more to keep pushing in the direction I am longing for, rather than just longing for the change to magically appear. It was also a breath of fresh air to meet someone who is going through a similar experience. The other thing that was funny was that we both had similar beliefs, assumptions and issues with the networking organisation we're both in.

I hope she ends up happy with everything she's working hard to achieve.

I'm full

A lot of people in life drift around, going to work, coming home, eating, showering, sleeping and repeating it all over again the next day. I wonder, do these people ever look at something and say "I wish I was doing that instead"?

Or are they happy where they are, despite the fact that on the outside, and maybe to everyone else their life looks a little dreary, a little vague?

From previous posts, my small but dedicated friends who read this will notice that I have been looking at a career change and a life change. It's mostly due to the fact that I'm just not into dealing with the problems I face these days. I'm kind of over it all really.

So, the other day when I started on a small project at home, I felt total fulfilment, and I wasn't even finished. In fact, I'm not even half way.

Is it just because I'm doing something different?

I had a look at what it was exactly that I was feeling and why. I think it came down to one or two things. Maybe three things. I'll see how I go, this is after all, me thinking out loud... my brain kasploding.

One thing that I figured was that I was fulfilled because what I was doing was getting an immediate result from the task. I did something, saw the end product. I'm happy. No bullshit, no what-if's, no questioning, no justification. Just what you see is what you've got.

The other thing I felt was enjoyment from doing something where I didn't have to think too hard. Here's what I have to do.... Auto pilot on... and away we go.

And the last thing I though of, most importantly was that I was being creative.

Each day I've been working on projects around the house, I have felt more fulfilled than a whole years worth of achievements running my business. Sure the soon to be opened webstore is great, and it's the right step in helping me get to where I want to be. But I'm not feeling fulfilled.

Some people might tell me to grab my nuts, have a spoon of concrete and harden the fuck up. Well, I've had enough hard times to reject your spoon of concrete. I'm at the point in my life where I think hard times aren't necessary. For the first time I'm actually thinking very hard not just about now, but the future. And if you can't be happy what you're spending the majority of your living days doing, then I don't see the point at all.

At this stage, mowing my lawns provides me with that satisfied fulfilment I'm looking for. Though I don't think I'd enjoy mowing everyone else's lawns that much. Mine's big enough thank you.