Cease the day!

It’s what I learnt from my mother. But it isn’t because she did. She didn’t even tell me so. It’s because she didn’t. She lived a life of regret, sadness and some lies thrown in for that added excitement. Fortunately I was blessed with just enough intelligence to understand that this isn’t right and it's not the best way to live your life. I learnt very early in my life that I have to live everyday to its best, its fullest and look back on the day to say “Well done!”.

I want you to understand, I’m not on a mission to fight evil powers. I’m not a born again or anything like that. I don’t stand in front of the mirror each morning reminding myself how good I am. I’m just enlightened by this knowledge that I could only receive by viewing someone else suffer from it. That isn't to say that it was only from someone else's suffering. I have suffered too. Various battles throughout my life left a scar and each day the wounds remind me constantly not to return to that place. A place that I only got to because of what I saw and what I knew as the norm though nothing more than living under the same roof as those who also suffered the same fate.

Mum suffered because she wanted to. I’m not going to go into her bizarre history of anguish but the final straw was when she took the opportunity a year before she died to go see her brother in Syria. She had not seen him in over 30 years. Sadly, her trip there was almost a waste. While it was a good thing to see him again. Her kindness took over and she stayed with him the entire time. Being a listening post to her brothers suffering and hardships with life as a peasant in Syria. Mum stayed around to cop it all and when she came back all she said was that it was great to be home. Her brother even put her to work where he would sit at his dining table packing small machined screws into small plastic containers in certain quantities. Sadly, this is the only job he could find. Sadly, my mother stayed there and helped him the whole time. Mum was like that. While seniale, had a heart of gold for others. Through her lack of self, she caused her own suffering.

I suffer from it time to time when a friend is in need, I am there at the drop of a hat. But my own things get pushed aside and I have left everything behind. This makes for an unhappy wife. And an unhappy wife leads to an unhappy life. Because of this, I have learnt to be a little self centred. A little more thoughtful about my own self because if there is anything I don't need more of, it's compassion and selflessness.

When I asked my mum why didn’t she enjoy the trip? She lied about liking it, though she did say she regretted one thing... Not going to Paris. So close to Europe and she didn’t go to the city she loved the most. I asked her why and it came down to one thing. Money. She said she couldn’t afford it. I raised my voice at her saying that she didn’t even think to ask me for some money. Flights would have been cheap to Europe and screw it, I’d pay for her hotel too. But she was too nice about it and instead put up with her brother for a few weeks rather than head off to the city she always wanted to see since she was a little girl.

I would have stayed in Syria a couple of days, caught up, said my good bye’s then ridden off, due Nor-West. It saddens me that even though my mother is now in peace, her regrets haunt me daily and I aim to extinguish them by making sure I don't have any regrets when I get to her age.

There's always the people that will say "Why bother" or "Who cares". I guess everyone is different, and good for them. But I wonder if even they sit on their last couple of days in life as they lay in bed knowing well and truly that their time is pretty much up, knowing the end is here and continue to say "Meh" or do they realise that their life could have been more fulfulling and they could have actually done all the things they wanted to really do rather than just knock those that were actually doing something.

The sad part about all this is, in the end you die anyway. Wouldn't you rather, at least spend that time enjoying what you do? If you like smoking, do it. You're going to die anyway. If you like riding motorcycles, do it. You're going to die anyway. If travel is your thing, don't end up like my mother who if still alive would only wish she went to Paris "I'll go next time".

All these things cost money though. Sadly money is a requirement and sadly, it's allegedly mum's reason for not going to Paris. But money is meant to come and go. There is really no point in hoarding money. Saving up is okay, only to have a purpose of it being used for a greater purpose. In a recent turn of events my brother-in-law in Fiji has lost everything he owns due to the floods they recently had in Fiji. An unfortunate thought is that his wife hoarded all their good things which were washed away with their tea towels riddled with holes. In the end it didn't matter that she kept her good cutlery and crockery for guests. It never got used, and what's the point of it really?

In the end it's all about a greater purpose. And don't get it confused with someone else's greater purpose because someone else's greater purpose could be insignificant to you.

What's the moral of all this? I guess the lesson to take home is to be a bit more selfish. Think about yourself, because no one else is. Take matters into your own hands and get whatever it is that you want. Relying on someone else is futile. They have their own priorities, and they're probably not even remotely close to yours. So who cares about what they think or what they're doing? I certainly don't.

Reading the above paragraph back, it really sounds like I'm a bastard. Well, I'm not. Because there's a difference between what I'm saying and what I am. I don't want to be a bastard. I'm not pissing on people's backs and telling them it's raining. I still hold a great deal of compassion for everyone. I find myself feeling sorry for a great deal of people. I feel sorry for them for many different reasons, each one different from the next. The point I am trying to make is to better one's self. If you are a better person the person next to you will automatically try and compete.

The main thing is, cease the day. What are you waiting for?